Summer?

When is school over....So I can start my jury duty & take my 2 summer school classes....UGH

Present Problems

Therapy starts today...About time

You start to see why students come back and blast everything in site. Feel like slapping everybody today. I feel like that damn twista song & that shit aint good.

...You...

I can't let me love you and you can't let you love me. Your afraid that my heart is still cold from you, or me, or we, or what we had to a point that you dont acknowledge it, or we, or what we had. My heart won't allow me to love anyone else because it still loves you, or is it me? Me in the sense that I still love you, but it's my heart that says fuck it, we are over, been over, will never be. AGAIN. Lets do this over again. You are in a relationship, but you still belong to me. Your heart belongs to me not her, we. Again we may have tried, if you call that a try, because I poured my being in your hands to get back what we had. Have, because I know you still think of the past. Maybe you are the problem. The past is the problem. You remembering the bad is the problem. You wont let yourself love me, but your heart does. We are capable of feelings, not coldness in which we've placed on each other. I try to forget you, but my heart still loves you. Your heart still loves me, so why dont you let it be?

i thought deleting him from my shit would make me get over him...Sometimes I do, but theres days like this

Fuck

Fuck LB cops that try to intimidate ppl

Fuck stupid ass, jealous ass, stank attitude ass, talk shit for no reason ass tricks

Fuck math period

Fuck the GE requirements at school

Fuck life at times

Fuck killers that go on on murder spree & kill theirselves after

Fuck rapists and molestors

Fuck O-Town's bad management

Fuck whatever got Britney Spears fucked up cause its not the same Britney I know

Fuck both Rhianna and Chris Brown

Fuck kia for putting out cute scion xb lookalikes

Fuck ppl that say they been through shit, but its nothing serious

Fuck diseases

Fuck crazy ass ppl

Fuck most of my ex's

Fuck freshmen and sophomore year of highschool

Fuck You

Death

Feelings of death are surrounding me ... Everyone's dying

Game

School, Gym, Portland vs Denver game, Study, Sleep=My Day

Bored

So Tired...of Everything

Blah

Wish I didnt have these anger problems...



Team WINKY

Always Happens

So I met this guy (when Im not tryna take anything serious of course) the other day who was just real coo. I noticed that he had all his books to study for the mcats, and that is so sexy to me. Dude doesnt even look like the type to want to enter medical school, but he tells me he graduated from UC Davis and that this is what he wants to do. So I tell him thats that hype and to go for it. We exchanged numbers, talk some more, blah blah blah, then he asks if we can see each other again, and I told him sure. Just not tryna get serious like that. Just a real coo guy and his story inspired me. I love meeting new people.

Its Boxing Niteeeeeee. My baby WINKY WRIGHT against Paul Williams. I must say I am scared with this fight, my baby is getting up there and hopefully they worked on his foot work & diet. Whatever happens Ima still be a WINKY fan...Hes so sexy!

Life

So I finally went to the doctor and they suggest I get an evaluation for pills and therapy. Life isnt that easy when your Angie! Im tired of making life seem like its all gravy and Im ready to talk to some one about it. Just during the initial intake with the psychologist it was kinda hard. But Ive realized this is what I need to do.

So it was very hard to go to math class the other day. I had just finished talking to my teacher about his mom and she passed away the next day. I feel horrible for him, because who can imagine going through the pain of one of your parents passing away. So while hes talking about her a girl speaks up about her moms passing last year and breaks down. I could just feel her heart breaking and had to just give her a hug. My papa was my dad, because my biological father wasnt around. All my childhood memories are with him, but the last memory I have of him is them taking him away with his body under the sheet. There is no greater love than a parent and for that love to be taken away is terrible. So were both crying together in class and I could just feel she was going through it. Theres nothing like a stranger telling you that if you need to talk hit them up. Im not saying praise me for that, Im trying to say why dont most people do this. Instead of knocking our black brothers and sisters down why dont we try to impower and help the people within our community that really need, deserve, and want the help. Why cant more of us be there for each other. I dont understand the problem.

Sometimes I feel like I just need to take a break from the world. Just like a few months to re-evaluate myself, my values, etc. Most people take everything I say personal, its not like that at all lol. Im just going through a lot, and most times I need to think about me first.

So Im off to sleep after the Tyra Show and I cant wait til Saturday (Go Winky)!

...

School blows...bout to wake my roommate up since shes over sleeping...Same day appointment today maybe...

Trust Issues

So I just happened to be deleting most of my myspace messages, when I came across one that I never read. Now pardon me if things are outta place, because its super early right now! Anyways it was from the girlfriend of a basketball player I used to chill with lol. I cant and wont say his name, but to some its pretty obvious, and he was a really great guy. Nothing popped off like that, because I was younger and he was way older than me, and I cant even say where we met. To be honest I guess I could, but I choose to keep it a secret. You can try to go to my comments, because some of his are still there, but he deleted his account after some problems he was having with the team. Haha to you. But when I read the message I was thinking damn. Are these girlfriends really in a relationship with basketball players for them, or the fact of their salary. Just seemed to me that she wanted to keep a track on her man so no one will fuck with her money lol. She honestly had every right to, because it did seem pretty obvious lol, but it was just chill mode. We felt each other and to be real he was the only dude that just kept it real. So I wish him the best of luck, as for his girl...I feel bad for her lol. I have no clue if she went with him or what, but eventually she will catch on...That message she sent just brings me to the point that its so hard to trust people and their true intentions with you. Half the time its pretty obvious, but what about the other half. You cant spot it until they fuck you over and its too late.

Anyways...I have to schedule a same day appointment at Kaiser so they can do test, before I actually get the help. Like wth, I know my ass needs help and I dont need a stupid test that tells me all the bad things about myself. I know them already lol. Im glad my mom has finally listened to me and I guess my cry for help, because Im seeing that all the bad things thats happened to me are coming back. I cant hide it anymore. Life has never been easy on me and Ive always tried to hide the fact that it hasnt. I just hate when people give bullshit excuses to why their life is so hard, and Im sitting back like really. Try walking in my shoes, or homies shoes. Ive forced a wall between me and others, and Im hoping I can finally get help with that.

Uhhh...Ummm

So I like this guy...We have a past, but this thing came outta nowhere to be honest. Ive been telling myself that if I dont know myself how could I be in a relationship...Only problem is what if you know yourself, but too scared to trust yourself in an actually relationship. You know all this, so Im not talking up my ass, but we'll see what happens!

Randomness You Trick

Lemme be real with myself. I am mean there dammit! But swear that if I chilled with the right type of dude I wouldnt be. I seem to get with the bad boys and have no idea why, but Im so through with it.

Theres nothing in my life that I wish didnt happen, except with you & this is all you will get mentioned. Everything has made me who am I today. Fucked up person and all that. At least I can sit here and admit my faults and admit to needing help. Theres nothing worse than going through shit and keeping it in for years. Believe for most it will affect you, your choices, and the people around you even if you dont realize it.

Dont you hate when you sneeze and theres no type of tissue around! I mean like really sneeze, like that morning sneeze when its cold and it comes outta nowhere...that just happened to me hehe. I had no where to put that mess but my shirt lmao. So nasty, but fu trick! Where would you put it! Bout to change shirts! I think Im getting a cold...My mom likes to keep the room so damn cold, like shes a damn polar bear. & I hate wearing a lot of clothing when Im sleep, so she will be getting blamed for this if it continues. I dont care if its my fault, I just wanna bother her lol. And yes I know I have my own place, Im just waiting for my shower to be fixed.

Anywho...I now know I will dye my hair orange/red, get another piercing/piercings, and now I finally know what tat I want and where. I had to make sure with the tat, because everyone is getting them for the cool factor. I want something that when Im going through something I could look at it and chill my ass. I want a tat that will describe how I want to live, so I decided on a peace sign and heart (symbol below) combination to go on my wrist. Not sure when I will get this done. Most likely in the summer or around my birthday for the tat.

Tired as hell, going back to sleep!

I'm Back You Tricks!

So the reason for deleating my other blogspot was due to the fact that I had a semi stalker...si si...semi stalker real talk. Soooo I'm back with updates on my moody ass self, etc, etc, etc tricks.

For some reason I have the thoughts of relationships on my head. I always get why are you so mean like all the damn time. Lemme say that, I believe that Im just being real. Im not tryna have my dude on some emotional female type hype, nor think its just about him. I will be quick to put him out, which I have done over the period of my relationships. I cant stand a dude that claims he's this manlyness, when he's on some other typeness. I don't do that. That's why Im mean, because of the fact that for some reason that's who I attract. Now I will not say I haven't met good dudes over the years, because I have...That line is very slim I must say...But I don't really like relationships, because of the get to know you phrase (fakeassness stage) or the fact that a dude must think all my time should revolve around him. I love, need, and cherish my space. Yes, that is my downfall, but space is freedom in which we all need. That is another reason Im called mean....Because I like to be alone....Problem with this is that I'm very misunderstood when I stay I need my space. This time alone allows me think about certain situations and why the hell you got me fucked up and heated. Im not perfect and shouldn't expect the dude Im with to be perfect, but its so damn hard! I just want someone thats is willing to help me, instead of fucking arguing with me all the time...That doesnt sound so hard right?

On another note Im so proud of myself, because of the fact that I was able to tell my mom something I didn't want to for the longest. When I was a little girl I thought nothing of it, but now that Im older the situation is really bothering me. I just hate that other little girls have probably been in the same situation and were too afraid to tell someone close to them. So Im getting counseling, because Im a G and ready to move on from my demons.